For the first time I can remember, I hit my limit. I don’t mean after a crappy day or the kids being a challenge but actually feeling like if my brain processed anything else I was going to shut down. It was a weird feeling. I probably should have noticed sooner but being someone who just likes to get things done (take after my dad) and I think being a mum plays a part too, I just pushed myself to keep going.
I remember the night I realised, I was sitting after the kids were asleep and had planned to work but I just felt numb at the thought of doing anything, my mind was a blur and I couldn’t think straight. I felt like I was going to explode if I thought about anything other than sleep or just sitting doing nothing. Thankfully I did go to bed.
How did I even reach that point? Obviously I know why (work, lack of sleep, William being away working for so many weeks, breastfeeding) but how did I not realise sooner?! William is always telling me to slow down or ask for help but I think I forget to after being on my own for so long at a time.
I’m making an effort now to give myself a break not only for my sanity but so I’m a better person for the kids. I’m trying to take at least one night a week off working and make sure I have one or two early nights a week (if Freida lets me that is).
Looking back I was so immersed in auto pilot mode half the time that I didn’t even recognise myself in a way, I was finding it hard to choose clothes to match how I felt and was picking at my looks which just isn’t me. Thankfully I’ve snapped out of that and am back to my usual self more or less.
So yeah, I’m coming to terms with the fact I can’t do it all as much as I like to think I can. I need to remind myself I don’t need to do it all too.