I feel like my role as a parent has changed now I have 2, of course having another baby does that but I think more because I now have a daughter. I’ve always tried to better myself and been conscious of how I come across to Abel but now I just feel even more determined to be the best I can for them both. I think there is still such an unnecessary divide with girls and boys which is partly why I feel so different now. I know growing up I felt a lot of pressure to look and act a certain way to be accepted and I’m sure that still happens. Boys are expected to be tough and like sports, girls are expected to like sparkles and dance. I want to bring my kids up as neutrally as I can without being weird with it which can be tough in the world we are in. Abel loves cars, spiderman and play fighting just as much as he loves my little pony, buggies and make up.
So I guess how things are at home is what I can try my best to work on for them starting with myself. It’s so easy to either forget yourself or focus on the “bad” parts so I’m trying to make an effort to be more positive about things. I’m hoping that by putting more of my focus back on me that it will set a good example and help me be the best I can for them and make me feel better in general. Here’s 5 things I am working on…
It’s no secret I’ve had major issues with food all my life (read this post) and I think it’s something I’m always going to have to work on. When I got pregnant with Freida the sickness was horrendous. Similarly to my pregnancy with Abel I was never sick, just felt awful for hours. I had to force myself to eat and it really killed my love of food/cooking. Of course the sickness went away and my appetite has been huge whilst breastfeeding but I still feel like I’ve lost the knack and end up eating quick stuff or crap. So I’m trying my best to get back into cooking and eating better especially now Freida is eating food too so that they continue to love good food!
Loving my body
Stemming from the eating issues I’ve always struggled with my body. Years of genuinely thinking I was fat still haunt me so even though I now see things clearly it’s still tough. I really do prefer my body now compared to before pregnancy but like most other people I pick at parts of my body in such a negative way. I’m trying to be more positive and remember that I grew 2 humans. If I am having an off day I talk to someone rather than let it eat me up or stand in front of the mirror overthinking things.
This could cover so much but mainly feelings, sex and manners. I get really wound up about how boys are told to “stop crying like a girl” or to “man up!”, seriously when people say it to Abel I feel a rage I never knew I had. I’ve always made a conscious effort to name feelings, tell him it’s OK to be upset and help him manage tough emotions so I guess this is something I’m just trying to keep at. Sex is a new one and only really applies to Abel at the moment of course, he’s only recently started asking a lot about where Freida came from and about his penis (yes we use the correct words lol). Of course I don’t go into detail (can you imagine him telling the nursery teacher haha) but I’m not going to tell him she came out my belly button. Manners are really important to me, I’ve spent the best part of 2 years trying to get Abel to use “please” and say “thank you” but I often forget to use them myself so I’m trying to remember now he keeps correcting me, so hopefully by the time Freida is talking I’ll be better lol.
Not just for me but for them too. Freida doesn’t get any specifically for her yet but Abel does of course and I feel like as he’s got older (and more opinionated…) the time he spends watching TV or on the kindle has increased. He gets the kindle in bed at weekends and I will admit since I’ve been parenting alone for the last few weeks I’ve probably given him it more than I should just for some peace but his behaviour and sleep have definitely taken a hit so I’m making an huge effort to reduce how much time he has on that and the TV. Yes there are mega tantrums but I’m HOPING I will thank myself (pray for me). For me I am trying to leave my phone in another room which is hard as sometimes I go days only actually speaking to his nursery teacher so my phone is the only way I have to speak to adults lol. But yeah I’m trying to not have it with me 24/7.
Anyone feel like they have turned into a bit of an eco warrior since becoming a parent?! We have most recently started to use cloth nappies which I am LOVING but also food wise both myself and William are getting really into eating more sustainable food (when not eating crap). I’m also a bit of a weirdo about the blue bin (paper etc) and am trying to stop buying so many new toys if we can help it. I guess it’s a good example to set so it’s definitely something we are hoping to continue.
This is in no way a post about what you should change, more for myself so I can look back on it and I’m interested in what others feel they are working on or have changed since becoming a parent. Here’s to a happier, healthier future self!